Finding your way out of addiction.

When I quit drinking after decades of severe abuse, I thought life would become easy.

Boy was I wrong -though not completely.

Eventually, yes, eventually life became easier, sweeter, more joyful, and simple.

Eventually.

But not at first.

The thing with drinking or any other addiction is that it’s very helpful and effective and powerful and practical.

As a matter of fact: in many respects, life was way easier when I still drank.

The alcohol was the solution for almost anything.

Sadness: booze.

Worry: wine.

Shame: vodka.

Existential confusion: whatever gave me a buzz.

Being fucked up about being fucked up: let’s get more fucked up!

Alcohol was the perfect short-term answer to most of my questions, and because I started drinking at such a young age, I had no skills to fall back on.

Alcohol made the discomfort bearable.

And I totally lost that when I gave it up.

It transported me to a place of nothingness, and I stayed there for quite a while, stumbling around, lost, hurt, confused.