Trying to find your true nature.

When I was deeply lost in non-duality, a particular spiritual philosophy, I tried to force myself into understanding our true nature.

I wanted to study the person into enlightenment.

And this confused the shit out of me.

“You don’t exist”, I read, and I tried very hard to not exist.

“This is all an illusion” I heard, and so I did my very best to pretend that nothing was there.

“You already are what you’re looking for” was also popular, but that didn’t really seem to be a helpful pointer because I felt like shit most of the time.

And “Everything is One” sounded really cool and wise, but all I experienced was separation.

This is the hellish predicament of the searching human being.

We try to understand something that is beyond our capacity to understand.

We use the instrument that is praised to death in our education system, to grasp the totality of life.

But that won’t work.

Ever.

Spirituality and its relatives Self-realization and Enlightenment, do not really exist.