Spirituality is for lazy people. No, wait, let me rephrase that. Spirituality is a way to deny your true power. Hmm, I can do better. Spirituality can be used to endlessly dwell in glorified passivity, instead of going for what you really want in all facets of life. Okay, let’s take it from here. How…

Op 9 maandag januari, om 13.05, overleed Cato. Ze was 19 jaar lang mijn geliefde, mijn muze en grootste inspiratiebron, en de moeder van onze dochter. Toen Cato en ik uit elkaar gingen, zo’n 15 jaar geleden, was dat niet omdat we niet meer van elkaar hielden. De liefde en…

I have no idea how those coaches and other pros do it. The promises. The tantalizing suggestions. ‘Your best life ever!’ ‘10K a month doing what you love, guaranteed!’ ‘Stop [stuff you want to quit] forever and discover your true power!’ ‘Have [stuff you really want but never have] as much as you want!’ If I look back at thousands of coaching…

‘That must have been really painful and confusing’, the therapists used to say, when I showed the letters and told them about the phone calls. I just shrugged. ‘Nah, not really’, I answered consistently. And I thought that was a good sign. Strong, healthy, like I was very much over it. Boy was I wrong. My feelings about it have been buried SO deeply, that it’s a miracle they’re even coming up right now.

For a very long time, whenever people asked me how I was doing, I said ‘Not good.’ Most of the time that was actually correct. Many times it was not, not really. But it was how I looked at myself, how I regarded my life, my body, my future, my world. I just didn’t see the point in being accurate about my condition, and overgeneralized…

Maybe my ambition was actually shame. It makes a lot of sense. How else can you achieve things that most people deem special and amazing and extraordinary, and hardly feel a fucking thing? Well… Shame can’t be compensated by achievement. The universally nagging ‘I’m Not Good Enough’ can never be silenced by success. It seems that…

I’ve noticed something really sweet, awesome, and helpful. In the last couple of days, I’ve been looking into feeling more and expressing myself more, and being more honest, and I’ve discovered a whole lot of stubborn bumps and half-closed doors and rusty gates while doing so. It’s hard. Something inside of me is trying to pretend me from…

So I realized

Can you? Can you love this moment, this pain, this emotion, this feeling? Can you be present enough to love ALL of it? Can you realize that you created this to fully love it and face it and be with it and not reject it? There is no lesson to learn, just…